Last year, I preached a sermon series titled: “Did God really say?” where we dealt with some of the most controversial subjects in our culture from a Biblical perspective. I have decided to take some of the content from that series and create blog posts out of it. I hope this will serve as a resource to many who are wrestling through these issues. You can watch the entire sermon series here.

I began that series by explaining what it looks like to speak the truth in love. As we think about some of the most heated debates happening in our world today, you can look around and see many Christians who have either conceded to the culture or become silent for fear of persecution or being labeled as divisive. And while the Bible does call us to love others and live peaceful lives (1 Tim. 2:2), the Bible also calls us to boldly proclaim truth (2 Timothy 2:24-26). As Christians we are called to speak truth boldly in the face of evil and to speak lovingly reflecting the face of our Father.

I am writing about this because I believe there are also many Christians who want to be able to speak the truth in love, but their churches are not really teaching them how to do both. Many churches help their people know the truth, but are lacking in demonstrating Christlike love. Others are shying away from the truth in the name of being more loving. But the truth is that you can’t have the truth without love or vice-versa. Because some Christians are not finding how to do this in the Church, they are tuning in to their favorite political podcast to learn how to engage on these issues and when the church gets its morality from politics before the pulpit, we’re in trouble.

The call of Ephesians 4:15 is “…speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ.” If we are going to know how to do this, we must first understand what truth is.

1. What is truth?

It’s the famous question that Pilate asked of Jesus (John 18:37-38) and thankfully Jesus had already answered this question in the previous chapter of John when He said “Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth.” (John 17:17).

As Christians, we believe that there’s a distinction between little “t” and capital “T” Truth. For instance, it’s a little “t” truth to say that The Yankees are the greatest franchise in sports history. But it’s a big “T” truth to say that there is One God who exists in three persons. Okay, so maybe a better illustration of little “t” truth would be that 2 + 2 = 4. However, I still stand by my assertion about the Yankees.

Both little “t” and big “T” truth come from the Lord who made the world and the laws of physics it’s governed by, but also who has clearly revealed Himself through the divine revelation of Scripture. Our society however does not make such a distinction. They speak more of “your” truth. They’ll tell you that what’s important is not discovering absolute Truth, but living “your” truth. As if you can have your truth and I can have mine but neither of them is superior or “more true.”

The Bible does not leave the possibility of such a category of truth. Paul does not instruct us to speak our truth but to speak THE Truth. Jesus was clear, that truth comes from the Word of God. So when we are aiming to know, and speak truth, we must do so in alignment with the Word of God. Everything contrary is false.

And this call to speak the truth has to do with more than our words. As Christians, we are not just called to affirm true statements, but to live every aspect of our lives in alignment with God’s Truth. This requires not just knowing true things, but having a proper and biblical worldview. And that worldview must be ruled and governed by the Scriptures.

When we speak about anything, we are to be a people who do so in Truth. And we must always be willing to speak that truth even when it’s inconvenient or hard, and even when it costs us something. That is the first way in which we must speak, but Paul says that this truth is also to be spoken with love.

2. What is love?

Just as it’s sinful to not speak the truth, it’s sinful to speak the truth apart from love. Take a look at 1 Timothy 1:5: “The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.” When we speak the truth, it must always be done in Christlike love. And there is perhaps no greater passage that more clearly shows us what this love should look like than 1 Corinthians 13, specifically verses 4-7. So let’s go to those verses and see how we should season our speech with love.

• “Love is patient” – Don’t demand immediate agreement when speaking the truth.

• “and kind” – Don’t respond in anger when challenged. Seek the other person’s good.

• “Love does not envy” – Don’t use the truth to gain status or popularity.

• “or boast” – Never brag about winning an argument or “owning” your opponent.

• “it is not arrogant” – Don’t act like you’re the smartest person in the room.

• “or rude” – Demeaning language and profane talk have no place on the lips of a Christian.

• “It does not insist on its own way” – Considers others more important and God’s glory the goal. Insist on God’s way and the good of others.

• “it is not irritable” – some Christians seem to be lying in wait for an argument.

• “or resentful” – Never hate, resent, or become bitter toward those who reject the Truth.

• “It does not rejoice in wrongdoing” – Think about Jesus rebuking Peter for cutting off the soldier’s ear. Peter was “defending” Jesus but did so wrongfully.

• “but rejoices with the truth” – The Goal is not winning arguments, but winning souls and making sure God’s truth is proclaimed.

• “Love bears all things” – Mistreatment & persecution should not quench a your love for the lost.

• “believes all things” – Always think the best about those you are engaging with.

• “hopes all things” – Never think proclaiming truth is in vain or someone is beyond being saved.

• “endures all things” – There’s never a season where we can lay down our call to love.

If we are going to be faithful in this culture and in addressing the issues we face, we MUST have both truth and love, not one or the other. As John Stott said “Truth without love is too hard; love without truth is too soft.” Here are a couple questions you can ask yourself to see if you’re seeking to speak the truth in love:

• Am I not saying something I should say out of the fear of man?

• What biblical passage or principal am I getting this from?

• What’s my end goal in this conversation? To win, or to glorify Christ?

• Do I have a genuine concern for this person’s relationship with the Lord?

• When I stand before the Lord in judgement, will this conversation be rewarded?

• Will I be angry with them if they do not listen to me?

• Have I considered both what I am saying and how I am saying it?

Christians are to be a people who love people enough to speak the truth and love the truth enough to love people. I would like to close with a sobering thought by Voddie Baucham: “Don’t let anybody tell you that it’s not loving if you stand flat-footed and speak the truth. What’s not loving is to look at someone in the eye when God says the are in jeopardy of an eternity in hell and merely wink and nod at their sin because you’re afraid of being called names.”

Our son, who recently turned two, has begun randomly shouting out to us “I need help!” when he finds himself in a situation that he doesn’t know how to navigate. It’s obviously a very cute thing to witness, but it also became a stark reminder to me of my need for Jesus.

Jesus said in Luke 18:17 - “Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” That truth has several implications, but one of them is that we are meant to recognize our helplessness and dependence upon Jesus if we are going to enter the Kingdom. To come to Jesus in faith, in part, is to come to Him declaring “I need help!”

And it’s more than help we need. Before Jesus, we are “dead in trespasses and sins” (Ephesians 2:1) and apart from Him, we can do “nothing” (John 15:5). So to come to Jesus is to cry out to Him in faith knowing that He alone can raise us to life, save our souls, and be the Help that we so desperately need.

When my son cries out for help, as a father, I cannot help but run to his aid and figure out how to help him. But even with all the love I have for my son, I am imperfect, impatient, and sometimes opt for a quick fix just to appease him in that moment. Our Heavenly Father, who is perfect, is always patient, always kind, and always comes to our aid with an answer that will always be for our good and His glory (Romans 8:28).

Sometimes, my son needs help in a different way than he was asking for it, and the same is true of us when we cry out to God in prayer. As a good Father, He comes to our rescue when we call and He always does what is in accordance with His good and perfect will - even when it’s not what we expected or even wanted from Him. And in those moments, the same faith that called out to Him saying “I need help!” is the faith we need that will allow us to say “not what I will, but what you will.”

Still, there are other times when my son does need my help but refuses to ask for it because he thinks he is independent. I have to think that the Lord chuckles a little watching me parent my son in these moments because it’s exactly how I treat Him sometimes. I act like I don’t need God’s help and end up making a huge mess only to run to him in shame and repentance. Even then, He is patient and kind, quick to forgive, quick to shower me with grace, and eager to set me back on the path of righteousness.

Parenting continues to teach me so much about the love of my Father for me. And in this case, it has taught me that I need to never lose the childlike faith that quickly goes to my Father and exclaims: “I need help!”

I don’t know how many of you ever watched the show “Family Matters,” but one of the most entertaining things about that show to me was how Steve Urkel would just randomly show up in the Winslow home. While it was entertaining to watch, it must have been pretty annoying for the Winslow family to feel like there were hardly any boundaries in place. I think I would have changed my locks and sat down with Urkel for an honest conversation.

During a recent Bible study class at our church, a question arose: should Christians set boundaries in their relationships? This question was prompted by our study in 1 John 4, which says in verse 20 - “If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.” That’s really strong language and should cause us to think seriously about the relationships we have with others. But does the principle of 1 John 4:20 mean that it’s ungodly to set certain firm boundaries in our relationships?

There’s a passage that instantly came to my mind which I find helpful in this conversation:

“But Jesus on his part did not entrust himself to them, because he knew all people and needed no one to bear witness about man, for he himself knew what was in man.”
John 2:24 (ESV)

It seems to me that Jesus set certain boundaries in His earthly life with the people around Him. While Jesus was often pressed in at every side with crowds of people wanting to hear Him teach and have Him heal them, He also would often retreat to be alone with His Father (Luke 5:16). Jesus had 12 disciples, but even just 3 of those men were some of his “closest” followers and friends. He did not do what everyone expected of Him which is a way of setting boundaries as well.

So we know that setting boundaries absolutely can be biblical, but how do we know when we should do so? There are a couple of guiding principles I believe we should consider:

Is this relationship bringing temptation and sin into my life?

If this person in your life is constantly trying to convince you to join them in sin, then you certainly need to be cautious about when and how you spend your time with them. If they are someone who always tempts you to be angry, for example, then you need to deal with that sin in your own heart and find ways to create boundaries that protect you from being angry. If this person is someone who is always engaged in some sinful behavior, then as a Christian, you need to consider the principle that says: “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14).

Is this relationship putting myself or someone I am responsible for in danger?

Yes, as Christians we are called to “love our neighbors as ourselves” (Matthew 22:39), but that doesn’t mean we are supposed to allow ourselves to be doormats to physical, spiritual, or emotional abuse. We have a duty in those situations to protect ourselves and anyone around us (for example: your children) from those kinds of abuses. Setting boundaries in this case is actually a way that we do love our neighbors. After all, love “does not rejoice at wrongdoing” (1 Corinthians 13:6).

What is my motivation for setting these boundaries?

This is perhaps the most important question to ask. If you are setting boundaries with someone in your life because they are different than you and you feel inconvenienced by them, that would be unloving and even prideful. If this person has genuinely sought your forgiveness with sincere repentance that even has evidence of their sorrow, and you refuse to listen to them, then that’s not setting boundaries, it’s the sin of unforgiveness. Ask yourself why you are setting boundaries and also ask yourself what you hope the ultimate outcome of these boundaries will be. That will tell you a lot about your own heart and whether or not you’re operating in the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) or not.

So yes, setting boundaries can be biblical, even Christlike, but we must not adopt the standards of our world that say anytime someone inconveniences you, holds you back, behaves in ‘toxic ways, etc, then you must cut them out of your life immediately and entirely. Setting boundaries does not mean withholding forgiveness, it means setting up guardrails to protect yourself and others from sin being committed against you, and it can even protect you from falling into traps of sin yourself.

John the Baptist was an incredibly strong prophet and follower of Christ. He lived in the wilderness, wore camel hair (not the designer kind), ate locusts and honey (probably got stung a few times), challenged the religious leaders, preached repentance, stood up to Herod in his sin, and eventually was beheaded for his faith. When we think about people like John in the Bible, we tend to really believe we’re not cut out for the Christian life.

But did you know that John had moments of doubt in his faith?

“Now when John heard in prison about the deeds of the Christ, he sent word by his disciples and said to him, ‘Are you the one who is to come, or shall we look for another?’”
Matthew 11:2-3 (ESV)

While some scholars believe that John did not doubt, but sent his disciples to Jesus for their own benefit, it seems clear that John had at least a little bit of doubt surfacing. After all, he was in prison for doing the very thing God had called him to do - preach repentance. He likely believed the Messiah had come and was going to instantly dethrone all the corrupt religious leaders and the Roman government itself. John preached of “the wrath to come” (Matthew 3:7) and that Jesus would “clear his threshing floor” (Matthew 3:12). But how long would he have to be in prison?

He had heard of the miracles of Jesus, but was Jesus truly the promised Messiah, or maybe just another prophet from God? We don’t know exactly what caused John to question, but something bothered him enough to send messengers to Jesus to make sure He really was the Messiah.

If someone as strong in their faith as John experienced moments of doubt, then I can take comfort that I am not alone or even in the minority when doubt sets in my own heart. There is a difference between doubt and unbelief. Doubt is when we are asking questions about our faith and wrestling through the things that cause us to have those questions. Unbelief is a blatant rejection of who Jesus is. Here are a few things to keep our doubts from turning to unbelief

Ask the hard questions

Many of us might have been afraid to approach Jesus and ask if He truly was the Messiah. Not John. He made sure that whatever questions he had were brought right to Jesus. In your time in prayer, ask God to reveal the truth to you. Seek out your pastor, a trusted godly friend, or counselor who will be able to walk with you through your doubts and point you to the truth. We should never be afraid to ask questions as a Christian. When something is tugging at your faith, make it known and relentlessly pursue the truth.

Stay in the Word

If you read Matthew 11 further, you’ll see Jesus answer John’s doubts by pointing him to the Scriptures about the Messiah. Jesus is the living Word of God, He could have directly answered John’s questions, but He pointed John to the place every believer should go when doubt creeps in - the written, revealed Word of God.

Take the Lord at His Word

Nothing about John’s circumstances changed. He honestly had not even received any new information about Jesus (he already knew the prophecies), but Jesus’ words were enough for him. He didn’t need a miracle or a change in his circumstances, he simply needed the assurance of the words of Jesus. For the Christian, we are to take refuge and comfort from our doubts in the sure and steadfast Word of God. We are to believe Him over and above our doubts. We are to allow His Word to be a comfort for our anxious hearts. What He says should always move us from the shifting sands of doubt and plant our feet firmly upon the Rock that is Himself.

Doubt is a very real and common struggle for believers. You are not alone in this battle. Take comfort in the story of John the Baptist. Because if someone whom Jesus said was not a “reed shaken in the wind” (Matthew 11:7) could experience doubt and overcome it by the Word of God, then you can too!

I have been engaged in some form of social media since 2005 when MySpace was still a thing. Does anyone remember MySpace? The thing I missed the most about it was the ability to customize your profile page and add a song to it. Then, of course, around 2008, Facebook came into view for me and, at first, I wasn’t a huge fan. Over time, however, that’s where everyone else was at, and I wanted to be a part of the conversation too. For the most part, it was a fun way to stay in touch with people and connect with them a bit over funny pictures and life moments. Over time, it devolved into an endless pit of useless information and angry shouting through keyboards and iPhones.

The Dangers of Social Media
No doubt, social media has its benefits, but it also has its dangers. Maybe near the top of the list is its ability to hook you into endless (also mindless) scrolling. I found that whenever I was bored, standing in line, wanting to disconnect from reality, or even just sitting with my family, I was scrolling through my feed. Honestly, most of the time, I didn’t really intentionally choose to be on there, it was just my default reaction whenever I had the chance.

Social media also has a way of forcing you to have an opinion about everything that’s happening in the world before you’ve had a chance to process the events and think through them biblically. I found myself defaulting to opinions that I didn’t really hold myself, but everybody on my news feed did and that’s what I was filling my brain with.

I often would use the excuse that I just “needed to let my mind wander for a minute after a long day.” But the truth is, I was engaging with social media on my phone at very unhealthy levels. It was distracting me from family, work, friends, and healthy rest. These honestly are only a few of the dangers, but they are the ones that were most problematic for me.

Why I quit
In January of this year, I made a decision to completely quit social media in every form for at least one month. I needed a hard reset and I knew that the only way to do that was to delete all the apps and block the websites from my phone and computer. I was tired of the endless scrolling and the ways it was impacting my mental and spiritual health. I was ready to quit it forever, but I wanted to give it some time before coming to that conclusion.

Jordan Raynor, the author of “Redeeming Your Time” has a great perspective on social media and he asks a very important question I think we should all consider:

That’s the question I really began asking myself and it’s the question that led me to almost entirely get rid of social media. For me, it was costing me family time, deep work, and mental energy I wanted to use elsewhere.

What I’ve missed since being off
Honestly… I haven’t really missed anything. I still know what’s going on in the world and in the lives of the people that matter most to me. I guess I had forgotten that my phone could be used for direct communication with these people and I didn’t have to find out about their child being born from Facebook. Okay, okay, truthfully, I’ve missed the memes a little bit. Who doesn’t enjoy a good meme? But even memes get sent to me from friends at times, so I’m not really missing that. And I’d much rather be with my family, or reading a good book than reading countless mindless jokes that add little value to my life.

How I’m currently engaging with social media
Currently, I log on about once or twice per week for no more than 5 minutes just to see if there’s anything interesting, but I very quickly get bored of it and log off. I haven’t posted anything on there (that I can remember) since the beginning of the year. Although, ironically I may post this blog post on there for those wondering what happened to me (the truth is that probably nobody is wondering that).

I do have plans to slowly work my way into posting things that I believe are valuable again at some point and engaging with comments once per week, but for now, I’m really enjoying the hiatus and I’m making no promises to myself to get back on.

I still watch TV and YouTube videos and have found other ways to consume entertainment, but those things have never been an endless rabbit hole for me like social media was.

What about you?
Have you seriously considered your level of engagement with social media and how it affects you? Maybe you’ve always made excuses or couldn’t imagine the thought of being off of it for an extended period of time. Let me be clear, I am not in any way saying everyone should do what I’m doing, nor do I think it makes me more holy or anything like that. It was just something that had obviously become a problem in my life and I needed to address it. I hope that sharing a bit of my journey with it would encourage you to think deeply about this as well.

I always thought I would regret not being part of the conversation and memes, but it has truly been one of the most refreshing decisions I’ve ever made. Don’t let FOMO (fear of missing out) hold you back from getting rid of something that is potentially harming your relationship with Christ, your family, your job, or anything else that has more value than that little app on your phone. Let me close with wise words from the apostle Paul: